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Unsurprisingly Nick didn’t sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning, thinking of different ways this all can be explained in rational non incestuos ways. But there were none.
He still hasn't figured out what he thinks of it all. What if it is the worst case scenario? What will he do?
What do people even do in situations like that, what is an appropriate reaction? Condemning their actions and telling them he wants nothing to do with them anymore? Disowning them? Somehow all of that seemed more absurd than anything he guessed Chris and Matt might have been up to. He knew he loved his brothers and no matter what happens he could never truly be mad at them, let alone enough to separate from them. He could feel as many feelings as he wanted, but the end result would still be the same, he would just have to accept whatever it is that is going on between them. Because the other option is not an option at all.
Now that he knows where he stands on the issue, Nick feels himself getting back to normal. It's time to do damage control. He needs to find out what exactly is going on and the severity of the situation. He knows his brothers better than he knows himself. If anyone can get them to confess, it was him.
Nick’s first thought was to talk to Chris. But after thinking a bit more about it, he decides that Chris would try his hardest to brush it off and if that wouldn’t work he’d just straight up lie. You can say whatever you want about the kid, but he ain’t a snitch. Loyalty has always been his thing, so that egg is gonna be hard to crack. Matt on the other hand… Matt always acts on emotion. Sure he can also lie with a straight face but only about things that don’t really matter. The thing about Matt is there’s two of them. The defensive asshole that manifests whenever the boy is feeling anxious or disbalanced, and the real Matt, the sweetest baby angel who just wants everyone to get along. He needed to talk to the latter.
His plan was simple: get Matt and himself to have a private talk, and be kind and nice and compassionate and make sure Matt realises that he can trust him with whatever it is he’s hiding. It is Nick after all, his big brother, the one who’s always taking care of him, the one who despite being able to get him out of whack the fastest, is also the one who’s best at putting him back together.
Fortunately for Nick the opportunity would come that morning. The boys wake up and as predicted act like nothing ever happened. Matt is more closed off than usual, clearly mad at Nick about the fight and Chris is extra bubbly, trying to overcompensate for everyone’s sh*tty mood. They have a meeting on the other side of town, so they hop in the car and drive for around 20 minutes until Chris needs to use the bathroom. They stop at a gas station and Nick stays with Matt in the car under the pretence of being too lazy. Chris takes everyone’s snack orders and leaves.
So here they are. Nick and Matt, just the two of them.
“Sooo about yesterday..” Nick says with a joking tone. Trying to start a conversation in a lighter tone. “I am sorry… I might have overreacted.”
“Nick, it's fine, just forget it.” Matt blurts out trying to shut down the topic. He’s staring outside the driver's seat window, not even glancing at his brother. It was definitely not fine.
“Come on Matt, please I can’t stand you being mad at me! Can we please just talk about it?”
Nick whines, hoping to appeal to Matt's loving side.
“Talk about what? Matt snaps. He turns around to face Nick. “What were you even trying to get at yesterday?!“ and then turns back, not really wanting to know the response to his question.
“Come on Matt, you can’t pretend you and Chris have your average brotherly bond. I notice things, you know? It’s not like I'm an outsider!” Nick feels himself getting riled up and tries to collect himself when he continues. “I am not saying you guys are doing anything wrong, I am just saying it seems kinda unusual and I feel like there’s something you are not telling me. And maybe Chris was right, I do feel a little left out when I know you guys are keeping secrets from me.” Nick says in his nicest and most comforting tone he could master. He worries that Matt will close up at any point.
“So please tell me, is there something going on? What are you and Chris hiding from me?” Nick asks, placing a hand on Matt’s shoulder.
“We are not hiding… it’s really nothing.. . Aghhh.” Matt sounds frustrated, like he’s having an argument with himself in his head. “We were just.. we were messing around.. and..." He tries his hardest to get the words out, but the confidence fades away as soon as he starts talking. Finally, frustrated he blurts out. “You know I can never say no to him!”
“Did he force you to do something?” Nick asks concerned, his hand is still on Matt’s shoulder.
“No no. Of course not!” Mat quickly clarifies. “It's just that, I love him so much, I would do anything to make him feel better. And he does the same for me.”
“Ok… so far it sounds pretty normal.” Nick says, confused by what exactly the boy means.
“ I just. I just don’t want you to hate me.” Matt whispers in a raspy voice, barely getting the words out. Without even seeing his face, Nick can tell Matt is teary eyed.
“Matt. Matt, listen, it's ok.” He reaches around the seat and places a hand on Matt’s chest like he often does when the younger is feeling anxious or frustrated. “I won’t hate you, I promise. I just need to know what’s going on. I need to make sure you guys are being reasonable. And you know… I just worry about you doing things… that you might regret.. but whatever happened we’ll deal with it, ok?” Nick tries to reassure Matt, but the longer he’s talking the more uncomfortable Matt seems with this conversation. Nick can see the boy trying to fight the tears in the rear view mirror. He rubs his shoulder gently, trying to comfort him. But he knows no matter how upset Matt is right now he has to continue prodding. “So how far did you guys go?” Nick asks, feeling like he is treading on thin ice.
“We didn’t f*ck, if that’s what you asking!” Matt snaps offended that Nick would even think such things, even though it was very much a reasonable assumption considering the circ*mstances.
Feeling a little shocked by the sudden bluntness, Nick can't say he doesn't feel a sense of relief rush over him. “Oh my god thank the f*cking lord, at least we are not committing any actual crimes in this household. f*cking Aye!” Nick exclaims dramatically, gesticulating with his hands because even at a moment like this he can’t help but be hilarious.
“But we did other stuff.” Matt says so quietly Nick could barely hear him.
“What stuff?” Nick asks and then quickly backtracks. “Actually don’t tell me, no no no, aaaaa I don’t wanna know!” he makes a high pitched sound, something between screaming and singing, cartoonishly freaking out, his hands are clenching his hair.
“Oh my god, oh my god, this is not f*cking real.”
“Would you stop freaking the f*ck out please.”
Matt says annoyed, turning around to look at him. “I knew I shouldn't have told you” he turns back in his seat and covers his face with both of his hands.
“ no no Matt it’s ok, I am glad you told me. I really am. I just need to, you know, get used to the idea” Nick says smiling nervously. Trying to reassure Matt whilst finding the whole conversation completely absurd.
“I know it’s f*cked. But it happened and I don’t wanna hate myself for it, or make Chris feel bad about it.“
“I understand. Don’t get me wrong its still f*ckING DELUSINAL. But I understand.“
They don’t notice how Chris walks back to the car so both of them get startled at the sound of the car door opening.
“Nick, they didn’t have the ones you like so I got the regular chips.” The youngest boy says whilst settling into his seat, holding a bunch of snacks in his hands. When he finally notices the strange tension, he examance Matt's face. The boy is on the verge of tears and Chris looks back at Nick for an explanation.
“What happened? Did you guys fight again? Nick what the hell did you say to him?!
“Hey let’s lose the attitude.” Nick says, trying get Chris to chill the f*ck down.
“Chris, I am fine. We didn’t fight, we were just talking.”
“About what?” Chris asks, already knowing where this was going.
“The same thing as yesterday.” Nick says in a more serious tone.
“ I told him everything.” Matt says as if confessing to a crime. He doesn’t even look at Chris, just stares down, fidgeting with his hands.
“Oh” a long pose. “I see.” Chris says, still unsure of what is happening.
“What’s with the long faces then? Yea we lend each other a helping hand once in a while, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Chris says, looking at Nick nonchalantly.
“CHRIS! What the actual f*ck!?” Nick shouts.
Matt turns beet red.
“What? I thought Matt told you everything!” Chris shouts, confused at why he’s getting yelled at.
“Nothing specific! Oh Jesus Christ, I can't with the two of you.” Nick says, trying to get his thoughts together. “Do you guys kiss and sh*t too?”
Despite this being an incredibly uncomfortable conversation, Nick's curiosity wins. After all this might be the only time they talk about this.
“I meaaan… sometimes.” Chris looks at Matt with a cheeky smile, then winks at him. Matt who just seconds ago was staring at him in absolute shock, is now burying his face in his hoodie, ears the colour of a stop sign. “Nope nope nope nope, that’s too much!” Matt says wanting to disappear, not even able to process the overwhelming shame he feels at that moment.
“Come on Matty, no need to be embarrassed.” Chris says, reaching a hand to touch Matt's leg.
“No Chris, this is a very appropriate reaction actually. You are the one acting like a freaking sociopath.” Nick tries his hardest to explain to Chris how out of touch he is with reality.
“I am not a sociopath. I know it’s not “ normal” how close we are…” He gestures air quotes aggressively at the word normal. “…but I refuse to feel ashamed for having so much love for someone. I express my love the way I feel it has to be expressed. And If that’s the way we need each other right now, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Even you Nick.”
Chris says confidently. His arms are crossed now and he looks at Nick with a daring stare. Matt finally looks up at Chris. Staring at him in awe and adoration. He is always amazed at how confident and brave Chris can be. He acts like a goof most of the time, but when it matters he really knows exactly how to stand his ground.
“What am I gonna do with you two?” Nick asks himself with a tired exhale, feeling like he already lost.
“So are you mad?” Chris asks.
“Mad? No, I am not mad. I am flabbergasted Chris, I feel flabbergasted right now!” Nick went back to his exaggerated jokey way of speaking, clearly softened by Chris’s heartfelt speech.
“I am guessing there’s no point in me asking you to quit it, is there?” Nick had to ask, even though they all knew the answer to that.
“Nope!” Chris says, as unwavering as ever.
“But you guys still do like other people, right?” Nick asks hesitantly.
“Yes. of course.” Matt says, feeling a bit less distraught.
“Definitely!” Chris exclaims. “I feel like you think we are like in love or something. Just to clarify we are not, that would be f*cking weird.”
“Yea, we are not that delusional.” Matt adds.
“Oh really?” Nick asks with his most sarcastic tone. “ Well how the hell was I supposed to know where you freaks draw the f*cking line.” Nick says with a clear judgement in his voice, astonished by how differently they see things. But it all kind of starting to make sense. Codependency and enmeshment issues are so real, it's the sh*t that comes with being triplets. In relationships like that lines get blurry. It's not their fault, but it also does not make it healthy. If they truly think of this as an extension of their brotherly relationship and nothing more, who is he to tell them it's wrong. And if that is all it is, he can work with that.
“So you cool with it?” Chris asks, snapping Nick out of his thoughts.
Nick can’t believe he’s gonna let them get away with this. “Cool is a little too enthusiastic, but yea, sure. I see what you are saying. And I promise not to freak out about it anymore, on one condition.”
“What's the condition?” Matt asks.
“We are all going to therapy.
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